I went to a party a couple months ago with my wife. Well, two parties if you count a wedding as a party, which I guess most people would. I've realized that the older I get, the more uncomfortable I feel in large groups. I wouldn't call it anxiety exactly. It's just, I feel awkward. I don't really know what to do in those situations. I'm not entirely sure how to behave when I'm not entertaining or the center of attention. I think I'm perceived to be "the funny guy" to my friends and people who know me. I could be wrong. The problem with categories or labels is that human personalities are much more ambiguous than all that. Sure I'm usually pretty funny (at least I think I am), but not always. And when I'm not being funny I feel pressure to be funny. If I say something and you don't laugh or react or look interested there's a part of me that thinks I have failed in that moment in some way. Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming that on anyone. It's my own creation I'm sure. The fact that I may feel awkward or insecure in any given situation is no one's fault but my own. I do it to myself.
I don't really like small talk anymore. I'm not good at it. I don't really like meeting new people anymore either. At big parties you go from one person to the next asking and answering the same questions. "How are you doing these days?" "You still working at the same place?" "How's that large growth on the back of your neck doing?" Couple those questions with trying to be interesting and it's exhausting. I don't begrudge people for asking these questions. I ask them too. We all do. I think there should be more awkward silence in life.
It's weird being an extrovert. I love people. I love networking. I love getting to know new people...but then sometimes I don't.
I guess at the end of the day you just have to be yourself even if in being yourself you risk people finding out you're really not that interesting or funny. Of course everyone is interesting in their own right, but that's a different blog post.
I don't really like small talk anymore. I'm not good at it. I don't really like meeting new people anymore either. At big parties you go from one person to the next asking and answering the same questions. "How are you doing these days?" "You still working at the same place?" "How's that large growth on the back of your neck doing?" Couple those questions with trying to be interesting and it's exhausting. I don't begrudge people for asking these questions. I ask them too. We all do. I think there should be more awkward silence in life.
It's weird being an extrovert. I love people. I love networking. I love getting to know new people...but then sometimes I don't.
I guess at the end of the day you just have to be yourself even if in being yourself you risk people finding out you're really not that interesting or funny. Of course everyone is interesting in their own right, but that's a different blog post.
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